At 7:30 am, we loaded her up in her friend’s truck and watched them drive away. A long ten hour drive back to her college. Back to where God led her just eight months ago. And even though this wasn’t the first goodbye, or even the second or third, and even though I get to see her in a month, the hurt welled up deep in my chest and I couldn’t stop the tears from coming.

It’s hard.

I know several of you know exactly how it feels. Those of you who had been through it before warned me. I knew it was coming, but that didn’t help soften the blow. The hardest hit for me came once we got home after dropping her off in August. Those first several weeks afterwards were constant reminders that everything had changed. Our family unit of five had been disturbed. The first bird had left the nest. Setting the table brought me to tears for the first few weeks, laying out one less place setting. I couldn’t settle in to sleep at night because I was so used to waiting up for her to come home and then listening to her tell me all about her day. But she didn’t come home. And of course I knew she wasn’t coming home, but my body hadn’t caught up with my mind yet, and it wouldn’t let me sleep. She did Facetime when she could, but it wasn’t the same as having her here, with us.

And now here I am on day 3 of sending her back for spring semester, and today is a lot brighter. The hurt has subsided. There is still some aching, but a lot of it has been replaced with the excitement of hearing her talk about her new classes and the peace of knowing that she’s settling in to her second semester at a place where, even though it’s far from home, is exactly where God wants her to be.

Her college decision didn’t come easy. But it wasn’t our decision, it was hers. We guided her through the process and gave her our advice, but in the long run, it was up to her to decide where she felt God was leading her. Her college decision story is one for another post. It was a tough journey that ended with a decision made just days before the final cutoff at the start of May. But through it all, she sought God’s will and trusted that He would guide her and be with her wherever she ended up.

And that’s where we are now. Trusting that God has led her to the right place. Knowing that He is with her even when we’re not. There’s peace in that. And there’s so much joy in seeing her live out her college life. Making new friends, getting involved in clubs, growing her faith, figuring out how to balance school, a social life, and laundry! This is the stuff we raised her for. And she’s killing it. Sure, there are some bumps along the way, but that’s all part of the learning process.

So, mamas of future graduates, take heart. Is sending your first baby off hard? Yes. But does it get better? Definitely! The ache does subside and life eventually feels normal again. And mamas with multiples in college, please tell me it gets easier with each one!